Raising Kind and Respectful Humans

In a world that often values achievement over empathy, raising children who are kind, considerate, and respectful feels like an essential counterbalance. In Montessori education, we understand that these qualities aren’t extras alongside academic growth, but they are the very foundation of what it means to become a whole, capable, and compassionate human being.

​

Kindness is not something taught in a single lesson, but something lived every day. Grounded in Montessori philosophy and inspired by the wisdom of Fred Rogers, Simone Davies, Janet Lansbury, and others, we see that respect begins with how we speak to and listen to children. When children experience genuine respect and trust, they grow into individuals who naturally extend the same care to others.

​

Why Kindness and Respect Matter (Beyond “Be Nice”)

Kindness is caught, not taught. Fred Rogers — beloved host of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood and lifelong advocate for children’s emotional well-being — devoted his career to helping families understand that love and empathy grow through consistent, caring relationships. Through the work of the Fred Rogers Institute, his message endures: children “observe caring adults being kind … then choose to be helpful rather than hurtful.” Kindness becomes a living language when we model it daily, in both our words and actions.

​

Respect for the child fosters respect for others. In Montessori philosophy, how we treat children — how we speak to them, involve them, and trust them — shapes their sense of worth and their view of others. The American Montessori Society reminds us that showing genuine respect to a child is one of the deepest affirmations we can offer: that they are capable, valued, and seen. When children experience this level of dignity and care, they naturally extend it to those around them.

​

Relationship precedes behavior. Parenting expert Janet Lansbury, a former actress turned educator and advocate of the RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers) approach, teaches that respectful relationships are the foundation of all positive behavior. She reminds us that even the youngest children deserve honest, two-way communication, not just correction or control. When a child feels genuinely understood, they are more likely to internalize respect and respond with kindness.

​

Kindness needs courage. As Fred Rogers often demonstrated, being kind doesn’t mean avoiding hard feelings; it means holding space for them. We don’t need to shield children from disappointment, frustration, or sadness — we can accompany them through these moments with empathy and calm. In doing so, we show them that kindness includes honesty, patience, and the strength to care even when things are difficult.​​

​

Practical Ways to Foster Kindness and Respect

Here are concrete practices you can bring into your daily routines at home, on outings, with siblings, or during school drop-offs. Many of these ideas are inspired by Simone Davies, Montessori educator and author of The Montessori Toddler, whose work has helped families around the world bring Montessori principles into everyday life. They also reflect guidance from the American Montessori Society (AMS), the leading organization supporting authentic Montessori education in the United States. Together, their insights offer simple, practical ways to show children the deep respect that nurtures confidence, cooperation, and kindness.

​

Use Soft Hands

Why It Matters: Physical gentleness communicates respect and safety.

How to Do it: Handle your child with care when lifting, guiding, or redirecting. Pause before grabbing or intervening. 

​

Listen Deeply

Why It Matters: Being heard builds connection and helps children internalize respect.

How to Do it: Stop what you’re doing. Turn so your child is in your face. Reflect what you hear (“You seem upset…”).

​

Speak Kindly, Even in Limits

Why It Matters: Discipline and boundaries don't require harshness.

How to Do it: “I can’t let you hit; we can sit here until you feel calmer” vs. “Stop or else!”

​

Avoid Baby Talk

Why It Matters: Children value being spoken to as persons.

How to Do it: Use clear, respectful language appropriate to their developmental level.

​

Acknowledge Specific Actions

Why It Matters: Meaningful feedback helps children see their impact.

How to Do it: “I noticed you put the toys back carefully for the next person” (vs. generic praise).

​

Include Them in Life

Why It Matters: Participation builds agency, empathy, and connection.

How to Do it: Involve children in chores (carrying, folding, cooking) or decision-making (letting them choose between two options).

​

Allow Time & Pace

Why It Matters: Hurried, pressured children may act out from frustration.

How to Do it: Walk at their pace, pause when they pause, give them extra seconds to respond or move.

​

Look Into Their Eyes & Accept Who They Are

Why It Matters: This builds identity, dignity, and belonging.

How to Do it: Get down to their level, affirm their feelings and unique nature.

​

Provide Opportunities for Autonomy

Why It Matters: Confidence and self-regulation grow through doing.

How to Do it: Create environments (at home, in public) where children can do things for themselves — opening doors, pouring water, carrying their things.

​

Model Vulnerability & Apologize

Why It Matters: Perfection isn’t the point, authentic relationships are.

How to Do it: When you make a mistake (“I raised my voice, I’m sorry”), you teach humility, repair, and integrity.

​

Montessori + Respect: Where They Converge

• Prepared environments and choice
  By giving children access to well-designed, child-scaled spaces and meaningful choices, we send the message: you matter, and you can engage with your world. This builds respect for themselves, others, and materials.

• Observation over interference
  Montessori guides are trained to watch, not interrupt. This builds trust and fosters children’s capacity for self-regulation. When children act kindly or help each other, we can step back and let their own internal sense of morality unfold.

• Grace & Courtesy lessons
  These formal lessons — helping open a door, offering to pass, saying “please” and “thank you,” waiting for one’s turn — are not mere politeness drills. They are structured practices in sensitivity, social awareness, and altruism embedded in the Montessori curriculum.

​

An Invitation to Join Together in Practice and Purpose

Raising kind and respectful humans is a lifelong journey shaped by the choices we make every day. In Montessori, we often say, “Follow the child,” but perhaps we should also remember to follow the heart.

 

We invite you, as parents and caregivers, to notice moments (big and small) when kindness arises both in your child and in yourself and also in the connections among family. Share them. Reflect on them. Celebrate them.

​